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‘Twas the Night Before… (a holiday parody)

Twas the week before Christmas, and all through the house
You could hear me beating the computer with the mouse.
The disk was hung up in the disk drive with care,
And, needless to say, I nearly pulled out my hair.

I gave up for that night, got ready for bed,
And wondered, “Should I just buy cards instead?”
Mama and daddy had just hit the hay,
So I told them good night, and went on my way.

When out in the yard I heard some commotion,
I jumped out of bed like waves from the ocean.
Over to the window I flew like a trout,
Opened it up and nearly fell out.

Two bright headlights on our newly spread gravel
Really helped this mystery start to unravel.
With what should my wondering eyes be struck,
But a red-nosed reindeer on the front of a brown truck.
With a big ol’ feller in a UPS uniform
I knew in a moment it must be … St. Norm?!?

His eyes had thick glasses, his arms were real strong.
‘Cause the fragile package he threw landed with a bong!
Attached was an envelope, a message to behold,
“Open BEFORE Christmas — St. Nick, North Pole.”

I opened the parcel and what did I see?
A new 233 megahertz Pentium MMX PC!
I wrote him a letter, telling him I was obliged,
And I took it to be sent by the U.S. Post guys.

I walked in the Post Office and said, “This needs to go
“To my friend St. Nicholas in the North Pole.”
He said not a word until he finished his work
And before I left, I thanked that postal clerk.

The door closed behind me and I clapped my hands
Since I had finished the task that not long ago began.
As I left, I saw Santa in a Ford ZX2,
Saying, “Merry Christmas, y’all, and Happy New Year, too!”

Written by Stephen Whit of Durham

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